The McCain presidential campaign was rocked yet again this morning when Arizona Senator John McCain endorsed Barack Obama for president. McCain’s nod caught many political pundits by surprise and left his supporters scrambling to bail out his troubled candidacy.
"He’s just one senator out of, what, a hundred?" said McCain spokesman Dwight Feeney. "The McCain campaign has been endorsed by five former secretaries of state, over two hundred top military generals, and six former contestants on American Idol."
Asked why he had thrown his weight behind his opponent, McCain said on Meet the Press, "I just looked at the two candidates and saw that Obama was the one most ready to lead the country and to bring about the real change we need. I talked it over with Cindy and we decided that now was the best time to make my views clear."
McCain running mate Governor Sarah Palin quickly dismissed the endorsement as "meaningless." McCain supporter Senator Joe Lieberman concurred, noting that, "John’s been under some incredible stress lately and it’s bound to affect his judgment."
When moderator Tom Brokaw pointed out that it was unprecedented in American politics for a candidate to make such a bold move, McCain said, "You know, Tom, I’ve always been a maverick, heh heh."
How, he was asked, would the endorsement affect his own chances with election day a mere week away? "Now I’ve got my opponent just where I want him. My endorsement shows I’m willing to reach across the aisle. Voters are going to see that and they’ll vote for me. I don’t doubt that. I think this will give me the boost I need to become the next president."
Monday, October 27, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Scratch
We’re joined by Bedrosian M. Wheelwright, chief economist at Pierce, Fenner and Jones. Bedrosian, how serious is the scratch-off bubble and what are the potential impacts for the U.S. economy?
Drew, in two words, grave and awesome. Dot-coms, remember them? Cabbage Patch? The housing market? Now the irrational exuberance is sweeping the scratch-off market as desperate investors scramble to find a decent return for their savings. The asylum doors are open, Drew. Wide open.
Which parts of the market are most in danger?
Right now we’re seeing huge money flows into ten- and twenty-dollar games. They promise gargantuan prizes, and, frankly, that attracts the investor who is a risk-taker by nature. For example, we’ve recently seen investors loading up on $500 Million Extravaganza tickets. Sounds good, no? Who wouldn’t risk a mere twenty bucks to retire with that nest egg? Only trouble is, $500 million is the TOTAL of all the prizes. Your biggest possible payoff is only $5 million.
Still a lot of money.
Right, but as we say to our clients, what part of ‘read the fine print’ don’t you understand? If you’re uninformed, the scratch-off market can and will tear you to shreds, guaranteed.
So are you telling investors to shy away from scratch-offs altogether?
By no means. Every investment advisor will tell you that scratch-offs play a role in a balanced portfolio. But there’s the key term, Drew, balance. You don’t want to invest your entire 401-K in scratch-offs. Nor do you want to dig too heavily into your home equity. And you certainly don’t want to max out your Visa or MasterCard to buy Emerald Sevens or Cash Explosion cards.
Which scratch-offs are you watching in particular?
A new one we’ve been keeping our eye on is Peng Win. It’s a five-dollar game that gives you a chance to win a cool million. A notable aspect is, if you reveal a palm tree, you win five times the prize shown. The popularity of penguins definitely plays into investor psychology on this one – who doesn’t love the little critters?
Any other hot ones?
Money Money Money is a game that’s getting a lot of play. Our analysis shows that the suggestive quality of the name is a factor in investor acceptance. Also Cashtastic.
When we talk about a bubble in scratch-offs, what exactly are we referring to?
So many Americans are moving into this risky investment right now, Drew, that we’re seeing scratch-offs going for three and four times their usual price. Investors are simply getting tired of waiting in line at the convenience store. Last week in Des Plaines, Iowa, a man paid an incredible $43 for a Putt for Dough ticket, which retails at one dollar.
Are bigger investors getting caught up in the frenzy, or is this mainly a phenomenon of the little guy?
It started with your mom-and-pop investor, no question. But last week we saw Citigroup – they’re the largest bank in America, Drew – leap into the scratch-off market feet first. According to our research, they’ve gone almost exclusively into Juicy Loot and Extreme Green.
Those are two-dollar tickets?
Correct. The sophisticated investor always looks for a niche, so it’s not surprising to see them concentrating like that. We’re also seeing foreign money moving into this market. Credit Suisse has been funneling significant capital into Ba-da Bling.
It’s obvious that the sector is overheated. What would be the impact on the economy if the scratch-off bubble were to burst?
Huge. So many segments of the economy have been hitching a free ride on scratch-off mania. We’re already seeing beef-jerky prices in the stratosphere and frankly I don’t think they can be sustained. Car deodorizers, another big one. Breath mints, chewing gum, fuzzy dice, herbal energizers, they’re all vulnerable if the scratch-off market heads south.
Scary, all right. How can the ordinary investor cope with this volatile situation?
In a word, Drew, diversify. Move some money into Megamillions or Powerball. And we always advise local investing – your office football pool is a perfect place to sock away some of your saving. You can look into going green. Las Vegas betting lines allow you to get down on when the polar ice cap will melt or when Florida will be hit by the next megastorm. That’s a great way to help the planet as you spread your investment exposure around.
What about alternative investments?
Absolutely. Collect quarters with all the state emblems, that’s a vehicle that not only builds your retirement fund but gives you hours of fun. There are some fine investment-grade dishes being offered by places like the Franklin Mint. A set of those is certainly a sounder haven for your dollars than something like Kamillion.
One final question, Bedrosian, does it matter if you scratch off the ticket immediately after purchasing it, as some do, or wait until you get home?
Statistically, our studies have shown that it makes almost no difference to your chances of winning, Drew.
Drew, in two words, grave and awesome. Dot-coms, remember them? Cabbage Patch? The housing market? Now the irrational exuberance is sweeping the scratch-off market as desperate investors scramble to find a decent return for their savings. The asylum doors are open, Drew. Wide open.
Which parts of the market are most in danger?
Right now we’re seeing huge money flows into ten- and twenty-dollar games. They promise gargantuan prizes, and, frankly, that attracts the investor who is a risk-taker by nature. For example, we’ve recently seen investors loading up on $500 Million Extravaganza tickets. Sounds good, no? Who wouldn’t risk a mere twenty bucks to retire with that nest egg? Only trouble is, $500 million is the TOTAL of all the prizes. Your biggest possible payoff is only $5 million.
Still a lot of money.
Right, but as we say to our clients, what part of ‘read the fine print’ don’t you understand? If you’re uninformed, the scratch-off market can and will tear you to shreds, guaranteed.
So are you telling investors to shy away from scratch-offs altogether?
By no means. Every investment advisor will tell you that scratch-offs play a role in a balanced portfolio. But there’s the key term, Drew, balance. You don’t want to invest your entire 401-K in scratch-offs. Nor do you want to dig too heavily into your home equity. And you certainly don’t want to max out your Visa or MasterCard to buy Emerald Sevens or Cash Explosion cards.
Which scratch-offs are you watching in particular?
A new one we’ve been keeping our eye on is Peng Win. It’s a five-dollar game that gives you a chance to win a cool million. A notable aspect is, if you reveal a palm tree, you win five times the prize shown. The popularity of penguins definitely plays into investor psychology on this one – who doesn’t love the little critters?
Any other hot ones?
Money Money Money is a game that’s getting a lot of play. Our analysis shows that the suggestive quality of the name is a factor in investor acceptance. Also Cashtastic.
When we talk about a bubble in scratch-offs, what exactly are we referring to?
So many Americans are moving into this risky investment right now, Drew, that we’re seeing scratch-offs going for three and four times their usual price. Investors are simply getting tired of waiting in line at the convenience store. Last week in Des Plaines, Iowa, a man paid an incredible $43 for a Putt for Dough ticket, which retails at one dollar.
Are bigger investors getting caught up in the frenzy, or is this mainly a phenomenon of the little guy?
It started with your mom-and-pop investor, no question. But last week we saw Citigroup – they’re the largest bank in America, Drew – leap into the scratch-off market feet first. According to our research, they’ve gone almost exclusively into Juicy Loot and Extreme Green.
Those are two-dollar tickets?
Correct. The sophisticated investor always looks for a niche, so it’s not surprising to see them concentrating like that. We’re also seeing foreign money moving into this market. Credit Suisse has been funneling significant capital into Ba-da Bling.
It’s obvious that the sector is overheated. What would be the impact on the economy if the scratch-off bubble were to burst?
Huge. So many segments of the economy have been hitching a free ride on scratch-off mania. We’re already seeing beef-jerky prices in the stratosphere and frankly I don’t think they can be sustained. Car deodorizers, another big one. Breath mints, chewing gum, fuzzy dice, herbal energizers, they’re all vulnerable if the scratch-off market heads south.
Scary, all right. How can the ordinary investor cope with this volatile situation?
In a word, Drew, diversify. Move some money into Megamillions or Powerball. And we always advise local investing – your office football pool is a perfect place to sock away some of your saving. You can look into going green. Las Vegas betting lines allow you to get down on when the polar ice cap will melt or when Florida will be hit by the next megastorm. That’s a great way to help the planet as you spread your investment exposure around.
What about alternative investments?
Absolutely. Collect quarters with all the state emblems, that’s a vehicle that not only builds your retirement fund but gives you hours of fun. There are some fine investment-grade dishes being offered by places like the Franklin Mint. A set of those is certainly a sounder haven for your dollars than something like Kamillion.
One final question, Bedrosian, does it matter if you scratch off the ticket immediately after purchasing it, as some do, or wait until you get home?
Statistically, our studies have shown that it makes almost no difference to your chances of winning, Drew.
Golden Age the Rage
Cordelia Lowenbrau, a 22-year-old unemployed barista, has just dyed her hair ashen gray. Next year, if the economy picks up, she hopes to have a plastic surgeon add crow’s feet to the skin around her eyes.
"Old is hot," she says. "Everybody in my crowd wants to look elderly. I mean, my grandma was at the original Woodstock. How cool is that?"
It seems the ever-turning wheel of fashion has made old age the look of the late aughts. Fake liver spots have replaced tattoos for those in the know.
Jerry Garcia Hackysack of East Los Angeles, Indiana, keeps cotton stuffed in his ears to simulate deafness. "We admire the old because they’re so mellow," he says. "They sit with their feet up and explain how they’re busier now than before they retired. Neat."
"We talk a lot about our operations," says 18-year-old Fiona Naumgarten. "If we haven’t had any, we make them up."
Naumgarten, who was recently elected president of her school’s bingo club, says her friends are giving up cell phones or pretending they don’t know how to use them.
Walkers are a common sight on college campuses these days as students hobble from class to class, complaining about the weather, their constipation, and the stock market. Near Bethel College in North Newton, Kansas, the local Walgreen’s recently saw a run on adult incontinence products. It seems no hipster wanted to be caught without them.
"Old is hot," she says. "Everybody in my crowd wants to look elderly. I mean, my grandma was at the original Woodstock. How cool is that?"
It seems the ever-turning wheel of fashion has made old age the look of the late aughts. Fake liver spots have replaced tattoos for those in the know.
Jerry Garcia Hackysack of East Los Angeles, Indiana, keeps cotton stuffed in his ears to simulate deafness. "We admire the old because they’re so mellow," he says. "They sit with their feet up and explain how they’re busier now than before they retired. Neat."
"We talk a lot about our operations," says 18-year-old Fiona Naumgarten. "If we haven’t had any, we make them up."
Naumgarten, who was recently elected president of her school’s bingo club, says her friends are giving up cell phones or pretending they don’t know how to use them.
Walkers are a common sight on college campuses these days as students hobble from class to class, complaining about the weather, their constipation, and the stock market. Near Bethel College in North Newton, Kansas, the local Walgreen’s recently saw a run on adult incontinence products. It seems no hipster wanted to be caught without them.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Re-de-regulate
Marlowe recently interviewed Martin Awl, formerly of the investment bank, Bean, Bacon & Awl, who offered his perspective on the unfolding financial crisis.
Marlowe: Do you agree with the pundits who insist that the current chaos is the result of a failure of the government to properly regulate the markets?
Awl: Just the opposite, my friend. This crisis is a direct result of the government’s heavy regulatory hand. Let me give you an example: mandatory financial disclosure. Why should the private sector be forced to open its books to just anybody? Do you want a stranger coming into your house and looking at your wife in the tub? It’s ludicrous. If Bear Stearns or Lehman had not had to reveal their financials, they might have muddled through without all this turmoil.
Marlowe: So you’re still big on deregulation?
Awl: Absolutely. These inside-the-beltway types are smothering our economy. For example, they’ve decided to make embezzlement a crime. That’s a twentieth century law that’s hamstringing us here in the twenty-first century. The net result is, they have stifled what economists estimate could be a $650-billion sector of our economy.
Marlowe: I didn’t know it was so much.
Awl: It could be way more. We’re talking about a major contributor to GDP that’s withering on the vine.
Marlowe: So if you were president, you would legalize employee theft?
Awl: In a heartbeat. Free the market, I say. Can you imagine if American workers, the greatest, most productive workers in the world, were allowed to help themselves to their bosses’ funds? They could pay for their kids’ college, take that vacation, buy that boat, and the American economy would grow. Instead, you have these bureaucratic regulations that threaten people with punishment for what is, after all, a natural human urge.
Marlowe: I understand you’ve recently changed careers.
Awl: That’s abundantly correct. I talked it over with my lovely wife Betty and we decided the time had come, there wasn’t much more for me to accomplish in the financial sector. So I moved up here to Danbury, Connecticut, where I’m now connected to the federal corrections program.
Marlowe: That’s quite a switch.
Awl: It sure is, but I have some wonderful colleagues here. They’ve shown me how to fasten a razor blade to a toothbrush handle and other things that are useful to know in this line of work. So I expect, God willing, I’ll be here for a good few years.
Marlowe: Do you agree with the pundits who insist that the current chaos is the result of a failure of the government to properly regulate the markets?
Awl: Just the opposite, my friend. This crisis is a direct result of the government’s heavy regulatory hand. Let me give you an example: mandatory financial disclosure. Why should the private sector be forced to open its books to just anybody? Do you want a stranger coming into your house and looking at your wife in the tub? It’s ludicrous. If Bear Stearns or Lehman had not had to reveal their financials, they might have muddled through without all this turmoil.
Marlowe: So you’re still big on deregulation?
Awl: Absolutely. These inside-the-beltway types are smothering our economy. For example, they’ve decided to make embezzlement a crime. That’s a twentieth century law that’s hamstringing us here in the twenty-first century. The net result is, they have stifled what economists estimate could be a $650-billion sector of our economy.
Marlowe: I didn’t know it was so much.
Awl: It could be way more. We’re talking about a major contributor to GDP that’s withering on the vine.
Marlowe: So if you were president, you would legalize employee theft?
Awl: In a heartbeat. Free the market, I say. Can you imagine if American workers, the greatest, most productive workers in the world, were allowed to help themselves to their bosses’ funds? They could pay for their kids’ college, take that vacation, buy that boat, and the American economy would grow. Instead, you have these bureaucratic regulations that threaten people with punishment for what is, after all, a natural human urge.
Marlowe: I understand you’ve recently changed careers.
Awl: That’s abundantly correct. I talked it over with my lovely wife Betty and we decided the time had come, there wasn’t much more for me to accomplish in the financial sector. So I moved up here to Danbury, Connecticut, where I’m now connected to the federal corrections program.
Marlowe: That’s quite a switch.
Awl: It sure is, but I have some wonderful colleagues here. They’ve shown me how to fasten a razor blade to a toothbrush handle and other things that are useful to know in this line of work. So I expect, God willing, I’ll be here for a good few years.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Get it?
"Senator Obama doesn't get it."
-Senator John McCain
"It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it."
-Senator Barack Obama
"And maybe if he’d been the governor of an energy-rich state, he’d get it."
-Governor Sarah Palin
"John McCain doesn't seem to get it."
-Senator Joe Biden
-Senator John McCain
"It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it."
-Senator Barack Obama
"And maybe if he’d been the governor of an energy-rich state, he’d get it."
-Governor Sarah Palin
"John McCain doesn't seem to get it."
-Senator Joe Biden
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Dogs and Humans are Kissing Cousins
Researchers have uncovered startling new evidence proving that dogs and humans evolved from a common ancestor as recently as 1888. The findings explain the close affinity between the two species and the human predilection for "doggie-style" sex. Interbreeding, scientists say, may lead to exotic new pets.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Reunion
A young acquaintance from the Class of 2008 reports that he just attended his one-month high school reunion.
"I hardly recognized the old crowd," he said. Many of his former classmates had gained weight. Some of the guys were losing their hair.
"We had a lot of laughs, remembering the teachers we had, the pranks we pulled back in the day."
It was no big surprise to him that the class nerd turned out to be one of the most successful of the lot, an executive vice president at a computer company with a good shot at making CEO. Many of the most popular jocks were driving dump trucks or working as flagmen on road crews. The queen of the senior prom, who didn’t make the get-together, was rumored to be dealing blackjack at an Elkhorn, Nevada, casino.
He said he was really looking forward to the two-month reunion in August. "I wonder how we’ll all have changed by then."
"I hardly recognized the old crowd," he said. Many of his former classmates had gained weight. Some of the guys were losing their hair.
"We had a lot of laughs, remembering the teachers we had, the pranks we pulled back in the day."
It was no big surprise to him that the class nerd turned out to be one of the most successful of the lot, an executive vice president at a computer company with a good shot at making CEO. Many of the most popular jocks were driving dump trucks or working as flagmen on road crews. The queen of the senior prom, who didn’t make the get-together, was rumored to be dealing blackjack at an Elkhorn, Nevada, casino.
He said he was really looking forward to the two-month reunion in August. "I wonder how we’ll all have changed by then."
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